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Joke of the Day

"A guy comes into a bar. No wait.. it was a horse. So, a guy comes into a horse..."

"I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry."

"The Final Jeopardy category is: Beer. The answer is: It's f**king close to water. The correct question is: Why is Bud Lite like having sex in a sailboat?"

"Why were the elephants kicked out of the pool? Because they kept dropping their trunks...."

"What's the difference between an apple an a dead baby? I don't cum on an apple before I eat it"

"Wine improves with age. I improve with wine."

"Sat next to a baby on an airplane. Ten hour flight. I had no idea it was even possible to cry for ten hours straight. Baby was also surprised that I pulled it off."

"GF just thought of the best name for a drink. The Vadge Liqueur. (Should I be concerned? This was totally random)"

"What do you call an asthmatic bird? A puffin."

"I like my women like I like my champagne 13 years old and smashed over the bow of my yacht"