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Joke of the Day

"The Final Jeopardy category is: Beer. The answer is: It's f**king close to water. The correct question is: Why is Bud Lite like having sex in a sailboat?"

"I would love to go to the bar tonight but, people."

"My girlfriend wants to replace the beige outlets in my house with white ones. And then she gets mad when I tell her to stop promoting white power."

"Grapes for breakfast it is! Beautiful, fermented, aged, liquified grapes."

"I want my ashes scattered when I die. I don't like people visiting me now.... I'll be damned if I want visitors when I'm dead."

"I'm basically just waiting to eat again."

"WW2 started from a game of telephone when Hitler said "" I hate shoes"""

"There are 10 kinds of people... Those who understand binary code, And those who don't."

"What kind of porn to chickens watch? Nugget porn."

"My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me ""Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring"". So I bought her nothing."