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Joke of the Day
"I lost my mood ring... And I don't know how I feel about that."
Next Joke
"I have a lot of guilt from things I've done in the past so I'm grateful Twitter allows me to focus my pent up anger on strangers."
"What's the difference between a hockey player and my exgirlfriend? A hockey player will shower after 3 periods."
"*opens door to show you my enormous stash of apples* ""The doctors will attack soon, and I will be the only one prepared."""
"What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time? Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog."
"I am black and my son stole my wallet. I don't know If I'm proud or mad."
"My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret"
"What do you call an underwater restaurant that serves cured meats to sharks? A Sharc-eatery"
"Thank you, possum, for rustling outside the window when some show about serial killers is on. It really helped with my insomnia."
"remember blowing bubbles as a kid? good. you should call him, he misses you."