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Joke of the Day

"*opens door to show you my enormous stash of apples* ""The doctors will attack soon, and I will be the only one prepared."""

"I think marriage should be between a robot and a spider horse because I'm a retarded man child and this is what I bring to the conversation."

"If you're stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza."

"I forgot my joke about a lollipop... I swear it was on the tip of my tongue!"

"""My Friend has got a theory."" ""She reckons that the way to drive a man wild with desire is to nibble on his earlobes for hours on end."" ""I think it's bollocks"" -Jimmy Carr"

"I want to buy the most elevated premium male deer, but it doesn't need to have the highest prize stag."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come to work :("

"Have you heard about the internet couple that broke up? They just didn't click together anymore."

"[Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy] ""Let's see who this ghost really is!"" No! Wait, I'm not- [rip off face] *gasps* ""OLD MAN SKELETON?"""

"For dinner last night, all I wanted was some bread that wasn't indian But we had naan"