110360

Joke of the Day

"I am black and my son stole my wallet. I don't know If I'm proud or mad."

"[Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?"

"I was talking to this guy at the gym about push-ups. ""How many reps would you usually do?"" he asked. ""A million,"" I rep lied."

"You know what the budding prostitute told me? ""You break it you buy it""."

"ME: Why can't everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can't you ME: Don't change the subject"

"What is best to drink while eating Jewshi (Jewish sushi)? Oh, any kind of He-brew would be fine, I guess."

"What instrument do you play Beside blowing dick?"

"What did Tommy Wiseau say when he got an A on his final? Oh, hi Marks!"

"A man goes to the bar And he asks the bar tender Man: ""What taste good? Tender: I usually like rum in Diet Coke. Man: how do you get a Roman in a Diet Coke? Tender: *facepalm*"

"I've had to take a second job working in a bakery. I knead the dough."