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Joke of the Day

"Human history is so awful, I think I'm just gonna teach my son the timeline of Star Trek off of Wikipedia and call it a day."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber."

"Why do they call dogs K-9? Because K-10 are for pussies."

"*Hires life coach* ""Ok, the first thing we have to do is get you off this couch and get you moving!"" *Fires life coach*"

"Let's face it, it's not the first time Germany's sent a bunch of blokes to the showers in tears."

"(NSFW) What do a girl's asshole and a 9 volt battery have in common? You know it's wrong, but eventually you have to put your tongue on it."

"I can only imagine the sorts of crazy, sexy pictures of coffee that people are hiding in those ""private"" instagram accounts."

"how did the constipated... How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem... He just worked it out with a pencil."

"You're so fat, they oughta call your dick ""Gary Oldman"" ...Cause it always disappears into a roll."

"Feminism: because not all women can be beautiful."