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Joke of the Day

"There was a farmer who had a machine which caculated the angle you sat. He called it his pro-tractor"

"People keep talking about the new Star Wars trailer. In my day, Star Wars had SPACESHIPS!"

"Apple have begun making prison guards... Apparently they like to lock up."

"What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once? Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs."

"Her:""my blinkers don't work I think I'm out of blinker fluid"" Me:""your car doesn't have blinker fluid."" Her:""I JUST SAID THAT PAY ATTENTION"""

"What did the snail say riding on the turtles back WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I just got booed off stage by a bunch of jerks that didn't appreciate my humor. That's the last time I'll do a eulogy."

"People that climb mountains just follow a natural inclination."

"Help is a magic word. Say it to people & watch them disappearing from the horizon of your life."

"Whenever someone says ""I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart"", all I hear is ""I know where you can buy drugs"""