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Joke of the Day

"other 21 year olds: going on dates, bein cool, having fun me: trying to become friends w/ the birds outside my house by offering them bread"

"My eyes have been bugging me recently, so I went to the doctor. He told me I have ocular herpes. Apparently I've been looking for love in all the wrong places."

"In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word ""blobjob"". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for..."

"What did fettuccine say to rigatoni? Que pasta?"

"What is Hitler's favorite drink? concentrated jews"

"Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend? Because Sharon is Karen."

"Why do elephants drink so much? To try to forget!"

"What did they say about both the winner and the loser of the sock-pairing competition? His pairs are unmatched!"

"Bill Cosby buys a really boring, run-down bar People say its so boring you might just fall asleep after one of the drinks"

"Direct quote from my daughter: ""I know horses can play soccer really well because they're fast."" Thank god she's pretty."