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Joke of the Day

"Direct quote from my daughter: ""I know horses can play soccer really well because they're fast."" Thank god she's pretty."

"I ride a dog to work... The commute's a bitch!"

"Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much."

"If you take a picture of a man named Richard... Is it a Dick pic?"

"Police Officer: You know, this is a one way street? Me: I was only going one way..."

"You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice."

"I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they are using All of them yelled ""get the fuck out of my bathroom you fucking perv!"""

"""Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship"" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share."

"How do you make a lemon orgasm? You rub its cituris."

"What does a Pirate say on his Eightieth birthday? AYE MATEY!"