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Joke of the Day

"- Doc, how did you know that I have high blood pressure? - You make mosquitoes explode!"

"I get erections are funerals. Guess you could say I have mourning wood."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants The bartender says, ""Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says, ""I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"""

"A highlighter is just a regular lighter that knows how to have a good time."

"Tribbles. [How many tribbles does it take to screw in a light bulb?](http://imgur.com/aTXIs)"

"Giving blood today. Not my own, of course. That would be creepy."

"Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally, Not Wally,Not Wally... *from the Where's Wally Audiobook*"

"It's cute that you think everyone is jealous of you. We actually just don't like you."

"Be alert! The world needs more lerts"

"While texting a girl she told me ""I'm board"" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell."