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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess"

"I saw such an heart touching story of a... burglar and a victim."

"My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell"

"I just ended a long-term relationship today I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine"

"I tried to make a clock with no battery for the digital clock competition but it didn't count."

"What do you call a fast clothes maker? Taylor Swift! Made up by my nine year old :)"

"Who called them potatoes & not the motherchip."

"Don't ever leave a bag of mini Heath bars at your desk to prove you can't be tempted.... Because Satan's game is strong"

"*Caterpillar marriage therapy* Wife: he's not the man I married Husband flying around room: I'm the same on the inside Karen!!!"

"It sucks that slavery is illegal now... We have to get them from the black market these days."