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Joke of the Day

"[Nerd Joke] Yo momma's so fat she sees red lights as green... ...Doctors call this colour blindness, physicists call it gravitational blue-shift."

"I've been training for the masturbation world record. I'm gonna beat it."

"Helen: Mum do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mum: No dear what ? Helen: A nice teapot. Mum: But I've got a nice teapot. Helen: No you haven't. I've just dropped it."

"Doctor... Doctor, impotence takes you suddenly? - No, first it lets you look like a fool about 2-3 times ..."

"What's the best way to increase the size of your bank balance? Look at it through a magnifying glass."

"""I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him.""-Nobody in Assassin's Creed"

"I try to avoid buying into this ""Americans are stupid"" stereotype but, for fuck's sake......"

"How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet? Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas."

"2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me."

"What sound do two photons make when they hit each other? \*Planck!*"