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Joke of the Day

"""I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him.""-Nobody in Assassin's Creed"

"I've waited long to say this. I think we should all gift watches to the folks at /r/trees. It's high time."

"Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing? Rigor tortoise."

"A stallion with a smoking habit kidnaps hookers. So basically a hoarse horse hoards whores."

"What do basic cave bitches wear? UGGA Boots"

"What's the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms."

"A woman speaks to her Jewish son. *Kid is playing in a sandbox* >Mom: Come back here! It's rude to play with the bodies of our ancestors!"

"Do you know why the bike couldnt stand by itself? It was TWO TIRED!!!"

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion He was outstanding in his field."

"What's the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille? ""Danger: Do not touch"""