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Joke of the Day

"Got my ass fucking handed to me at Candyland again today by my 3 year-old. This decade is going to SUCK."

"What is the difference between your mom and Kim Kardashian? One is a dirty whore and the other is Kim Kardashian."

"Nuts nsfw What's nuts on the wall? Walnut What's nuts on a chest? Chestnut What's nuts on your chin? MY DICK IN YOUR MOUTH"

"What does John Cougar Mellencamp get if he eats too much cantaloupe before he goes swimming? A melon-cramp."

"How do you say Thanksgiving in Native American? Last Supper"

"If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?"

"Mr. Buffalo: I caught my son making out with a girl Me: SWEET! Mr. Buffalo: And a boy Me: So, I guess you could say he's your... Bi-son"

"So I walked into a pub with some of the lads... Oh wait hang on I don't have a social life."

"The Alabama Supreme Court has blocked same-sex marriage on the legal grounds that it is 1953."

"Why shouldn't you make abortion jokes? It's always too soon."