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Joke of the Day

"I think Oranges were named before Carrots ""What are these?"" ""They're orange....oranges"" ""What about these"" ""Shit....long pointys???"" Demitri Martin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVrp_GsinE"

"TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-Uzi from the Arms Store... Whoops, wrong sub."

"A vampire masturbating into a mirror. You didn't see that coming."

"My wife is constantly accusing me of being racist.I dont care what she says,Im black,shes black,it should concern me that our baby is white"

"MTV giving awards for music is the same as Fox News giving an award for unbiased journalism."

"What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour."

"How long after the first date should I wait before asking to get my bra & panties back?"

"Some people knocked on my door & asked for a small donation. for building a local swimming pool. I gave them a glass of water."

"[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light-bulb? You can un-screw the light-bulb"