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Joke of the Day

"[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom"

"Knock Knock Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you."

"Whats better than winning gold in the Paralympics Walking"

"Marriage is the main reason for divorce."

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say, ""I would do anything for love."" On the back, ""But I won't do that."""

"I heard there's a machine that can make cocaine in less than 4 milliseconds! I believe it's called the Instagram."

"What's Harry Potters favorite way to go down hill? Walking... JK ROLLING"

"How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb? Should it really be a lightbulb?"

"What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? Colonel, sir. ^ ^"