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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-Uzi from the Arms Store... Whoops, wrong sub."

"Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there's doctors EVERYWHERE."

"Guy Fieri's parents were two lyrics websites"

"[roulette] ME: [slaps table] 50 on red CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more"

"If anyone wants a tiger let me know. I bought one but he's being a d-bag and won't wear the matching sunglasses I bought us."

"*The Terminator opens a fortune cookie. ""It is ok to kill many people. Many killings are coming your way."" John: I know it doesn't say that."

"Why is there very little honey in Belgium? Because there is only one B in Belgium"

"A man walk into a bank And yells: THIS IS A ROBBERY And banker replies: It is ,now give me your money."

"Mike's Hard Lemonade is basically Kool-Aid with a squirt of Purell in it."

"How did Moses make his coffee? Hebrewed it."