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Joke of the Day

"How much do you love kids? On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, how much do you love kids?"

"When I'm drinking don't worry about taking my car keys. Just hide my phone."

"What do you call a melon with overbearing parents? cantaloupe ;)"

"Every time I get a birthday card with money in it, I pretend not to notice the money and ""read"" the card."

"Did you hear about that car that runs on seafood? I heard it's very efishient"

"If I ever noticed you waving frantically from inside a burning building I would totally wave back because I'm polite."

"I want to get a pet deer, cover it in pickles, and name her Dildo"

"Why did the Mexican school girl get pregnant? Here teacher said to go home and do her ""essay""."

"The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago... on this very night"

"Confucius say: ""Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."""