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Joke of the Day

"Confucius say: ""Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."""

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"If my kid turns out to be a criminal, I am totally blaming Grand Theft Auto and not my shitty parenting."
"Kinda bored. Might shake things up by believing in Santa again."
"Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A? AA, Eh"
"What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol? La chaim-lich maneuver."
"I was going to make my friend some spaghetti made from milk protein... But sadly he pasta whey."
"What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney."
"What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ? They always leave a piece of themselves behind."
"What is Justin Beiber's favourite Hozier song? Take me to Christian Bell."
"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic? You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog."