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Joke of the Day

"Jesus said to John, ""Come forth and I will give you eternal life."" But he came fifth and got a toaster."

"Hey dude! Would we be considered in-laws if I slept with your wife? No... we'd be even."

"Mommy, why am I getting my Christmas presents in august? ""Because it's cheaper than chemo"""

"I feel like I'm not giving my followers enough in my tweets. Would you be interested in stock tips or free shampoo samples?"

"Women find me ugly till I tell them I make millions of dollars... What I don't mention is that I am talking about Zimbabwe dollars!"

"With all those 'thoughts and prayers' on Facebook it's amazing people are *still* dying."

"Two spices are talking One spice says ""man it stinks like b.o. in here!"" Other spice says ""come on man I'm only cumin"""

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate pizza before it was cool."

"I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out. But she pulled some strings and got me in."

"It's hard to think about mama johns staying home with all the children johns while papa johns are away at pizza wars."