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Joke of the Day

"Jesus said to John, ""Come forth and I will give you eternal life."" But he came fifth and got a toaster."

"What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippie slut? The washing machine doesn't still want you after you make it spun and put a load in it."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""see you next month"""

"Some people are looking for the meaning of life. I'm still looking for the meaning of I licky boom boom down."

"Why did Faraday shop at the discount bird cage store? Because of their great buy one, get one free of charge deals."

"Wife: Have you seen my stilettos? Me [6 inches taller and struggling to stand]: Uh *stumble* No"

"Describe yourself in three words. I am a rebel."

"chinaman goes to see the eye doctor so a chinaman goes to see and eye doctor, having problems seeing. doctor says ""ah i see the problem, youve got a cataract"" chinaman says ""no i drive a rincorn"""

"[tortoise arguing with his gf] ""FINE IM LEAVING"" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? ""THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"""

"Me and my wife are getting a divorce so we are splitting the house ... She gets the inside. I get the outside."