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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out. But she pulled some strings and got me in."

"What type of pasta is no longer used in Canada? Penny ..."

"The buildup of carbon emissions in the atmosphere is a great icebreaker."

"Never trust trees. They're shady."

"A fax machine is just a surprise printer."

"Light a fire for a man and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"If I get interviewed by a police sketch artists, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I'm making him draw a pirate."

"I would teach Honey-boo-boo to speak in the third person, just to hear what she'd say if she had a small cut on her arm."

"Stages of Candle Burning 1: this smells nice 2: still smells nice 3: this is all I can smell now 4: this is the only scent I have ever known"

"Q: How does a man on a moon get his haircut? A: Eclipse it."