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Joke of the Day

"Give me a screwdriver Normal thing for a mechanic to say to his lackey. Start of a sexual harrassment case for Britney Spears."

"""What's the difference between sin and shame?"" ""It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out."""

"What do you call an army of toddlers? Infant-ry. *insert cringe here*"

"When I see a guy with a tooth pick in his mouth I'm like, wow. look at that guy. he ate most of a tree."

"So he says "" Nice glasses"" and I say "" Thanks! They're for seeing "" *slaps knee*"

"*watches you carefully arrange the piles of paperwork on your desk *waits for you to finish *sets fan to ""oscillate"""

"My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars'. I said: ""May divorce be with you."""

"Sorry if my tweets aren't good enough for you, person who retweets Cher"

"If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again."

"URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY ""NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY"" PLEASE SAY YES."