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Joke of the Day

"Hi I'm 37 yrs old. According to folklore, I've swallowed 259 spiders, 47 moths, 3 coyotes, and a grizzly bear in my sleep since I was born."

"I like my women the way I like my wine... 9 years old and locked in my cellar."

"Slightly over half of marriages end in divorce... ... the rest are fatal."

"*do a little dance* *make a little love* *get kicked out of this funeral*"

"I don't like telling people who have Beatlemania a joke. If they don't get it, they just won't let it be."

"I can sum up EVERY Presidential debate in 4 words: Same Sh*t, Different A$$holes."

"Technology.( Based on true events) My apple watch reminded me to take a minute to breathe right after my grandfather let one rip."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? Can't jelly my dick in your ass"

"Why do people call their weed the Koran? Because if your burn it, it gets you stoned"

"Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning Because I can't get out of bed."