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Joke of the Day

"(interview for construction job) Foreman: Your resume is just pictures of LEGOs? Me: (proudly) Didn't even have to look at the instructions"

"Ancestry.com: The southern version of eHarmony."

"Before a long trip I drink allot of alcohol the night before. Dehydration will work for me for once."

"We should rename Reddit to Redpost. Because everything is a repost."

"Why don't you ever see rich people wearing glasses? They're always around so many karats."

"I'll never forget my grandad's last words on his deathbed. He said: ""I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble..."""

"What's green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table"

"After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall!"

"There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I'm gonna be friggin' unstoppable....."

"What do you call a clever monster? Frank Einstein."