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Joke of the Day

"This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!"

"A man in the restroom today almost pissed on my pants from the next urinal over. I yelled at him and he said ""It's alright man. Wouldn't you rather be pissed off than pissed on?"""

"What is the reason for short people temper? They are closer to hell."

"Your Mommas so fat... (physics joke) Because she went light speed. Explanation: Physicists theorize that as speed increases, mass increases and at light speed, mass becomes infinite."

"There is going to be a merger between FedEx and UPS.. Yep, they're going to be called ""FedUp"""

"I bet the guy who invented falling asleep was totally like ""Oh no! I died! Hey, wait a minute..."""

"If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome."

"HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK: STEP 1: buy a recliner STEP 2: buy some beer STEP 3: stay home and watch tv instead of going into the woods"

"An idea for a board game... BONOPOLY - Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name."

"friend gave me an inhaler my friend was dying on the floor and he gave me an inhaler, guess he wanted to give something for me to remember him. weird."