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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Did you pay the mortgage yet? Me: Do you think surfers in India are called Hindudes? Wife: What? Me: What? Communication is hard"

"I used to have a height complex... But I grew out of it."

"So HBO is making a drama about relatives conspiring against eachother to take control of the family pastry company It's going to be called Game of Scones"

"IF all women are crazy... Then... You might as well pick a pretty one."

"What do you call two lepers in a spar? Soup"

"What's the difference between a degree in Theoretical Physics and a theoretical degree in Physics? One is relevant and can get you a job. The other you went to university for."

"I'm feeling more attracted to you lately. Have you put on weight?"

"What is the Easter Bunny's favourite state capital? Albunny New York!"

"Apple have begun making prison guards... Apparently they like to lock up."

"I can't wait to start blaming the GOP for everything wrong in America not being magically fixed upon their election to office."