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Joke of the Day

"Filing taxes is so depressing. Do you own a home? No. Have a spouse? Not even close. Kids? Not that I know of. Enjoy your refund, loser"

"A son is about to turn 18... So he goes to his father before his birthday and asks for a truck. The morning of his birthday he looks out his window at the driveway and sees a rented moving truck."

"What do you call a tree that protects Gotham City? Spruce Wayne"

"Why are photos in Latvia always such good quality? There's no such thing as potato quality there."

"[police interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Drug dealer."" ""Louder, for the tape."" [leans in] ""Bug healer. I heal bugs."""

"Just made a voodoo doll of myself that I'm about to beat some sense into."

"Sometimes I think... ...but usually I dont."

"Missus and I splitting. I blame her new job. Ever since she started at EA, our definitions of ""exclusive"" have really diverged."

"What is Weird Al Yankovic's favorite pick up line? Hey, so are you familiar with my parodies? Yeah my PAIR O DEEZ NUTS!!!"

"That awkward moment when a person says they need their beauty sleep when what they really need is plastic surgery."