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Joke of the Day

"[police interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Drug dealer."" ""Louder, for the tape."" [leans in] ""Bug healer. I heal bugs."""

"I didn't want to walk in the woods. But i was forest"

"In 1828 Franz Schubert was buried next to Beethoven... They wanted to decompose together."

"Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day Teach him to fish and you have lost a profitable business idea"

"What did the halal lettuce say to the halal cucumber ? Lets make salat"

"Q: Where do books sleep? A: Under their covers."

"I'm going to a birthday party in Charlotte tomorrow... Hopefully the looting isn't over because I forgot to buy a present."

"The sign said ""fine for parking here"" And since it was fine, I parked there."

"The most maddening part of your parents giving you annoying advice is that they're usually right."