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Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when a person says they need their beauty sleep when what they really need is plastic surgery."

"Fred Flintstone only gets haircuts in the UAE... It's the only place he can get an Abu Dhabi Do!"

"What's a neckbeard's favourite element? Manga-nese."

"ZOMBIE 1: why do we eat brains? ZOMBIE 2: because. It's food for thought! haha ZOMBIE 1: [sigh]"

"Before I die I want to see a dog run out of a butchers shop with a string of sausages hanging out of its mouth."

"""That damn Lassie said Timmy fell down a ruffruffruff"" ""Relax, honey. I'm sure she means well"""

"Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Why didn't you text me? I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram."

"The Titanic was a German philosopher... It got famous for sinking."

"QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people."

"Yelled at some skinhead today & he was all like ""chemotherapy, dude"" & I was like, ""whatever, racist"" cause sometimes you gotta take a stand"