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Joke of the Day

"A son is about to turn 18... So he goes to his father before his birthday and asks for a truck. The morning of his birthday he looks out his window at the driveway and sees a rented moving truck."

"[hears a baby crying on the train] Can somebody put that thing on silence please? ""It's a baby.."" ... ""..."" Vibrate?"

"Two guys walk into a bar.... And the 2nd guy goes, ""I didn't see it either."""

"Watch out for the black ice outside of the bank. It'll rob you of your balance."

"How do you make a blind man mad? Awwwwwww. Look at them pretty flowers."

"If I were a cop and pulled a woman over for speeding I would keep crying until she let me give her a ticket."

"Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior being."

"""The trash compactor is full so just dump that in a pan for now."" - Inventor of the fruit cake."

"I was looking at the fruit in the bowl, thinking... How the fuck did I end up with a gay goldfish..."

"What do cats eat on a hot summer day? Micecream!"