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Joke of the Day

"When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... ""If I find the right person"" is apparently the wrong answer."

"Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?"

"We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER' *canadian sniper shoots an enemy* *canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*"

"What do parsley and pussy hair have in common? You push it aside and keep eating. Credit to a coworker that told me this last night."

"My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten."

"PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids! MAGENTO: I think you've got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*"

"A guy at work just bought me ice cream and now we're making out. I've never been this intimate with ice cream before."

"2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the hooker? The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO"

"What did the Pharaoh's wife nickname her husband after he farted during sex? Toot n' comin'"

"I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad."