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Joke of the Day

"We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER' *canadian sniper shoots an enemy* *canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*"

"[commercial for soup] NARRATOR: ever wanna drink a sandwich?"

"extremely suspicious that there's no information about brains that didn't come from a brain"

"Q: What do you call a cow who's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated."

"Knock Knock ""Who's there?"" ""9/11"" ""9/11 who?"" ""you said you'd never forget"" =("

"What do colors say when they laugh? Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehue"

"CPR is a lot like church... CPR is a lot like church: you go up, down, up, down, up, down. The only difference is that you don't get snacks in CPR."

"COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears ""Lucky."" On repeat."

"I can still party like I'm 22. Too bad I recover like I'm 82."

"Did you hear about the beaver who went to the bar but forgot his wallet because he'd just shape-shifted from another water mammal? He says to the bartender ""I must've left it in my otter pants."""