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Joke of the Day

"What did the Nazi do after World War II? He became a veteran Aryan."

"Her: when you said ""magical in bed"" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit"

"I'm not saying the Internet at this hotel is slow but if you're reading this tweet, it's likely 2016."

"""Hola! I'm Senor Coconut, children"" [cracks head on the pavement. Children scream] ""Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"""

"Why are black crimes hard to solve? Because they're all criminals and they look the same."

"What do you call a good looking canyon? Gorge-ous"

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10"

"Did you hear about the snail who used to be shipped around the world in wooden crates? He was ex-cargo."

"I only like two things in my life. Boobs."