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Joke of the Day

"Her: when you said ""magical in bed"" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit"

"Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!"

"If you lend someone 20 Bucks, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it."

"What is a Stealth Bomber's favourite Banana in Pajamas? B-2"

"Porsche designer... the most overpaid job in the world"

"I usually close my eyes when I kiss girls. Not as much pepper spray gets in that way."

"Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone... What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?"

"My girlfriend agreed to give me a blowjob Oral consent"

"What do you call four Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean? Quatro Sinko"

"My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba."