144961
Joke of the Day
"Have you heard the joke about the kid who was deaf? neither has he"
Next Joke
"I wouldn't be caught dead with a Necropheliac."
"Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married."
"[Bob Dylan giving singing lessons] I'd like you to sing it again, but this time plug your nose and put these 5 marbles in your mouth."
"How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub"
"*shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I've been conditioning a lot for this race"
"so i accidentally stabbed my friend's butt last night... but he forgave me, it was an asshole."
"How are ISIS like Little Miss Muffet? Because they've got Kurds in their way."
"Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today"
"""Life's too short to remove USB safely"""