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Joke of the Day

"How many aspiring actresses does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know - normally they screw in the casting director's hot tub"

"You're a loose cannon, Detective. Hand in your badge. AND your gun. AND your badge that is actually a gun. AND your gun that shoots badges."

"I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since. I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne."

"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bail."

"*Sandra Bullock floating around in the background of all the new Star Wars movies*"

"Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass."

"My wife says I've left the toilet seat up ""like a bajillion times"" but I'm contacting Jill Stein to demand a recount."

"I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written."

"did u fall from heaven bc so did satan"

"30+ and single? There's an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat."