196220

Joke of the Day

"so i accidentally stabbed my friend's butt last night... but he forgave me, it was an asshole."

"So this guy comes in a smokeshop. No wait! A horse! So this guy comes in a horse"

"When it comes to sex I'm a bit of a romantic... I only masturbate to the thought of fucking girls in the missionary position."

"NURSE: *bursts into break room* A man just came to the ER with a broken bone thru his skin! DR DOG: *looks at other Drs* I'll take this one"

"TRUTHFUL TUESDAY: When my son was 7 he pissed me off so badly I pressed all the elevator buttons knowing every new rider would blame him."

"Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure out it was you that started the fire."

"Doctor: ""You have lost a lot of blood."" Me: ""That's not good."" Doctor: ""It's not. You are the worst manager this blood bank has ever seen."""

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? ""See you next month!"""

"To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you"

"Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed? because Santa came early! I'll let myself out."