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Joke of the Day

"The opening scene of the movie ""Saving Private Ryan"" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade."

"What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself."

"A guy with a wooden eyeball is self conscious... ...so he asks the homeliest girl at the ball if she would like to dance. She looks him straight in the face and says ""would I?!"""

"How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride a bike?"

"your dirty mind "" Give it to me"" she yelled, ""i am so fucking wet, give it to me now"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"Always helpful... Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."

"My wife's hot best friend just sent me an email with the subject line: ""Date Night."" I'm just going to stop there and imagine the rest."

"A Star Wars scene where drunk Luke and Han admit they have no idea what Chewie and R2 are saying, and then they both just start laughing"

"how to talk to a woman wearing headphones: 1. be the artist she has currently chosen to listen to through her headphones"

"So I'm in line at the ATM. And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance.. So I pushed her over"