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Joke of the Day

"Always helpful... Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."

"I tried eating a clock once It was time consuming."

"What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song? Cremia River"

"At some point during texting, a text is sent that means: ""This is the end of the conversation. I'm gonna do something interesting now."""

"What do you call a horse with a broken leg? Worthless"

"My Dad asked if I wanted to go on a mountain climbing trip with him in Nepal, I said, ""Sher, pa"""

"How do you make a female chemist feel self conscious? Ask if her hair is an extensive property"

"*gently carrying a burrito in my mouth like a mother cat with her kitten*"

"I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus."

"Ronda isn't being a poor sport ..she just needs a few months to learn how to talk again"