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Joke of the Day

"A guy with a wooden eyeball is self conscious... ...so he asks the homeliest girl at the ball if she would like to dance. She looks him straight in the face and says ""would I?!"""

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"I like to stare at a Priest & say ""You wore that same outfit last week"" so he thinks I go to church every week & knows I'm on to his shit."
"Just got put on a watchlist by the NSA for using the man-with-a-turban emoji."
"Knock Knock Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes Sean Connery."
"""Pasta la veista, baby"" -Arnold Schwarzenoodles"
"Being molested by a teacher is twice as bad for home-schooled kids."
"Joke about jokes. I've never told this joke, but I have written it once."
"The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded... ... that 7 out of 10."
"next time you feel depressed with yourself, remember that you're about 70% water & thats cool af"
"I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously... Needless to say, I was shocked."