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Joke of the Day

"A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: ""What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"" Me: ""I dunno, what?"" Him (loudly): ""An elephant sticking his trunk up!"""

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"What do you call nuts on your wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin? Dick in your mouth."
"I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up."
"""Well that can't be right."" - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands"
"You seem like the kind of person who always tried to open the wrong side of the milk carton in grade school."
"How many Germans does to take to screw in a light bulbs? NEIN, NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN"
"In current news: US: Stop that Middle East: Stop what? US: That Middle East: This? US: Yes that Middle East: This? America: OMG STAAAHP"
"Did you hear about the gay Irish couple? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick."
"Why did the comedian quit boxing? He always missed the punchline."
"What do you call two Canadians buy coffee? Double double doubles"