104782

Joke of the Day

"I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up."

"Chicken pot pie Three of my favorite things."

"What do you call a French whore? Lahore."

"What do you call americans flying to space? The plot for Wall-E"

"I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter's forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby."

"A fly walks into a bar... and asks: ""Is this stool taken?"""

"What does the educated owl say? Whom"

"The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar."

"My friend always wanted to work in animation, but never got past the interview He just couldn't understand the difference between a professional ""colorist"" and a professional ""racist"""

"""Honey, am I fat?"" ""No, not at all"" ""You're lying"" ""I swear. By the way, you got something on your chin... no, the other one"""