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Joke of the Day

"In current news: US: Stop that Middle East: Stop what? US: That Middle East: This? US: Yes that Middle East: This? America: OMG STAAAHP"

"Day 20. Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy Leg Man."

"The people doing it in pornos are in love, right?"

"When Russians visit Mexico What do you call it when Russians get diarrhea from drinking water in Mexico? Trotsky's Revenge"

"How do you know if a joke has been posted on reddit before? Oh, they'll tell you."

"*I'm worried about tomorrow* Tomorrow: I'm fine, stop worrying."

"Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: [slams fist on dash] NO, WHY?! Cop: Settle down sir Me: [marries, has kids, gives up ambitions] Cop: ..."

"Men are like copiers. You need them for reproduction but that's about it."

"Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.."

"Whats the best part about sex with a pregnant woman? You get a blowjob from the fetus."