142022
Joke of the Day
"I was so hungry when I had breakfast today. It was the first time I had ate all year!"
Next Joke
"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."
"What is green and smells like bacon? ... Kermit's finger"
"What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semi-automatic guns? Militia Etheridge."
"I'm against protesting... But I don't know how to show it."
"I thought I'd lose tons more weight if I drank extra glasses of water every day, but I guess I was just diluting myself."
"The barman says, ""We don't serve time travelers in here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."
"A woman screams as she gives birth... ""What's wrong, honey?"" her husband asks. ""What's wrong?!?"" the woman shouts, ""THESE CONTRACTIONS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!"" ""Sorry babe. *What is* wrong?"""
"Relax. You are not paranoid. People really do hate you."
"Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book Dead serious."