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Joke of the Day

"I thought I'd lose tons more weight if I drank extra glasses of water every day, but I guess I was just diluting myself."

"If someone overtakes me when I'm walking, I match their speed so it looks like I've got friends."

"I just axed this dude what kind of body spray he was wearing."

"What will Kim Jong-Un name his child? Kim Jong-Deux."

"In the prison shower... If you bend over, you can really hit those high notes."

"I ate a donkey steak today It tasted like ass"

"""Sir, the UAV strike bombing missed the target."" ""Were we at least close?"" ""Not even remotely."""

"Fuck. I just mentioned that it was my birthday as a pickup line to this hot girl at the bar and her fat friend is now asking about cake."

"We're probably accidentally giving ghosts handjobs all the time."

"Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer? He had loco motives"