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Joke of the Day

"The pilot asks over the PA system whether there's a doctor on board From the back a guy shouts ""I'm a vegan!"""

"Man walks into taxidermist. Asks a deer ""you want a bite of my sandwich?"" Deer replies ""No thanks I'm STUFFED!"""

"""Keep away from children to avoid suffocation"" was the best advice I've ever received. You have to pay for that nowadays"

"Its real cute how pedestrians confuse ""right of way"" with immortality."

"What's the difference between being horny and being hungry? Where you put the cucumber"

"""My desires are... unconventional."" ""Show me."" *opens door to a room full of memes*"

"Everybody laughed at me when I said I was going to be a standup comedian. They're not laughing now."

"I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums. He was a professional tuna."

"I never could bring a woman into my house. At first, because of the parents. Later, because of the wife."

"what's the deal with ""airplane food?"" newsflash, jerry: it's called jet fuel."