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Joke of the Day

"If Canada was a Kingdom, PM Stephen Harper would be a King... ...but Canada is a country."

"Here at Time Warner Cable we know that sex is an important part of a relationship. So we try to fuck you as often as possible."

"Where do burgers go when they die? Burgatory"

"If I have to pay to use this bathroom, I'm going to lose my shit. Because I'm broke."

"[after first date] Him: I had a great time, I'd love to see you again Her: Yes, we should do this again sometime but with other people"

"My Day is Going to be a Small Celebration to a Nordic God It'll be a Loki Day"

"Frankly, I find that Blackberrys are insensitively named and I'm starting a petition to have them renamed African-Americanberrys."

"How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a goose."

"Son: Dad, am I adopted? Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."

"Why do black's have white skin on the bottom of their feet and the palm of their hands? Everyone needs a little bit of good inside them."