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Joke of the Day

"Here at Time Warner Cable we know that sex is an important part of a relationship. So we try to fuck you as often as possible."

"Broke up with my girlfriend today On the other hand I met this chick."

"Alanis Morissette: It's like 10000 spoons when all you need is a knife. Spoons R Us clerk: Ma'am, nobody asked you to shop here."

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop."

"It was so cold out this morning... ...that I saw a lawyer sticking his hands in his *own* pockets."

"One cool thing about marriage is that when you hate each other, the marriage keeps you together until you like each other again."

"Why can't the band Def Leppard make music anymore? They all lost their hearing"

"Who is the scariest hobbit? Lorena"

"Q: What did the mermaid do last Saturday night? A: She went out with the tide."

"Can't figure out why my dog licks his balls. They taste fcuking disgusting."