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Joke of the Day
"terrifying if it really happened: the kiss emoji with the heart coming out of the mouth"
Next Joke
"[sinking ship] CAPTAIN: dammit RAT: i'm leaving CAPTAIN: i'm staying CAPTAIN'S GOLDFISH: [in fishbowl] i'm excited to see how this plays out"
"How do you make a goldfish old? Take away the G."
"Based on the reaction of the pharmacist who just sold me cold pills, I need to work on my ""I'm not going to make meth with these"" smile."
"Something I hate When people older than 30 have sex with 18 year olds. It's like they want to be pedophiles but aren't ready to commit."
"Why did god give Women legs? So they didn't leave slug trails. My father told me that when I was 8 years old."
"If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress."
"Facebook tells me today is ""National Winnie the Pooh Day"" ... I hope they're ok with me just wearing a red t-shirt & no pants to the office"
"Your tweet is funny. You didn't hear that short, little exhale through my nose?"
"What did the Momma buffalo say to the baby buffalo on his first day of school? Bye Son (Bison)"