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Joke of the Day
"If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress."
Next Joke
"*lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*"
"A priest and a rabbi leave a bar ..., and see a ten year old boy. The priest says ""Let's screw him!"" and the rabbi says ""Out of what?"""
"A man is on the roof of a tall building, he sees a group of marathoners down below the street, why does he jump from the building? Because the marathon was sponsored by Nike"
"Why did the blind girl fall in the well? She couldn't see that well."
"When I was getting my prostate exam, I asked the Doc where I should put my pants ""Over there, besides mine."""
"Green day is playing on the only two alternative rock stations in my neighborhood... There is no alternative."
"Wife: can you pick up milk? Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy Wife: I mean from the store Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too"
"I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed."
"When John Wayne died, he had 40 pounds of fecal matter in his intestines. It sounds like a lot of shit, but it's true."